A sister sent me the conversation between one of her mentees and the brother she wanted to marry. She asked that I give my opinion about their discussion. I listened patiently and I gave her my feedback. This lady was confused about whether she should continue in that relationship or discontinue.
In their conversation, the brother talked to her in strong terms about him being the head and that she has no say. He used several verses to back himself and told the lady that when they marry, he would be in-charge having the final say. The nuances of their conversation shows he was a control freak.
Another lady was confused about whether she should continue in her relationship or not. Her fiance is her fellowship president and they had a misunderstanding. This brother demanded that she must go on three days fasting before he can forgive her,yet, the sister did not see the handwriting on the wall. She was afraid to lose him.
One of the things you must watchout and flee from is someone who has shown signs of narcissistic control. A control freak doesn't understand that marriage is partnership. Often, they want things to go their own way all the time. Do not marry anyone who doesn't understand that marriage is partnership and not a solo run.
Control freaks see their spouses as subjects lacking intelligence. They issue decrees and commands. Control freaks always control conversations and do not give room for superior ideas. No one is right all the time but control freaks feels they are right always.
The favourite theme of a male control freak will be Ephesians 5:22 which says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord". Whereas, the previous text (v21) says, "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God".
The implication of that text is that submission is both ways. That is, husbands and wives must submit to each other. This does not reduce the headship of the husband in anyway. It only helps his leadership because when both implement good ideas, his leadership will be fruitful.
God created the female folks as intelligent beings. They are not dunces. So, he expect men to reason together with their wives and not relegate their usefulness to the other room only. Sometimes, she might have the better opinion and suggestion. For your own good, listen to her, it is for your own good.
Unfortunately, control freaks will never listen to or accept a better opinion. Most times, controls freaks are "cultural" in their thinking and disposition about marriage and life in general. When they talk, you'll hear statements like: "In our culture, women are xxx" or "Women don't xxx".
If you are a lady with a "global" mindset, don't marry a cultural man. He will use the power of his cultural mindset to ground you and place you in his kitchen. Your voice will not be heard. He will not allow you to be you. This is not the will of God for you.
A lady can also be a control freak. She want things her own way all the time and doesn't want to give room for reasoning. She is stubborn. As far as she's concerned, the opinion of others do not count.
