I grew up as a church boy and I have heard several ways brothers declare their marital intention to sisters. "Thus saith the Lord" is even mild. I have heard all manners of approaches ranging from "I was in a vision when the Lord showed her to me" or "I was drawing water from a well and you came as a helper to lift the bucket on my head".

I call all these spiritual toasting. Now, I don't have much problem with that as long as it is genuine though I won't advice any single to go that route while approaching a sister. The issue I have with this is how it is used manipulatively even when there is one iota of attraction between the two.

For instance, imagine a brother telling a sister: "If God had not told me to marry you, I wouldn't have come close to you because you are not attractive to me, I just have to obey God. If not, you are not my spec". How does that sound to your hearing?

A sister too may say, "He was not the kind of man I wanted because there was no attraction whatsoever but when he insisted that I am his wife because God revealed me to him, I just have to obey God. Actually, he is not attractive at all, I married in obedience". This is hogwash.

The two instances cited above are common slants in christendom especially among we charismatics. I have heard this over time but I have a great problem with that. I don't think it is the right way God wants for singles.

Singles, listen to the voice of wisdom. Do not marry someone that is not attractive to you. As much as I have taught you to be spiritually inclined in your decision making, the physical is equally important.

Seeing him or her in a vision is not enough, there must be physical attraction. You must like what you are seeing with your two eyes. I have been married for over a decade and I am still attracted to my wife physically.

When Adam saw Eve, he was attracted to her immediately and he said, "...“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man”( Gen 2:23 NIV). That is a statement of attraction. He had seen several animals and beautiful creatures before then but when he saw Eve, he spoke differently.

As a single anxious to marry, you will see many visions. That doesn't mean you have seen your spouse. This phenomenon is common among charismatics and it has landed many in marital trouble because Satan manipulated the minds of many.

I'll rather advise you marry by what I call sanctified common sense/ wisdom than through vision which can be manipulated by the enemy. I have not said God doesn't show vision but it is not the primary way God speaks to believers. If you have not been seeing vision before marriage, be careful of visions you see at the port of entry into marriage. Scrutinize it with the  word& holy counsel.

Dear single, you must like whom you are seeing with your physical eyes. That is how God wired the relationship between a male&female.  Even If at the beginning, there is no attraction, with time there must be attraction. If there is no attraction after getting close for sometime, discontinue that relationship.

Song of Songs 1:16 says, "You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! The soft grass is our bed".