When I engaged my wife, one of the things I decided to know was her pastor. Intentionally, I attended her church on several occasion, met her pastor and accessed her level of submission to pastoral oversight before I committed myself.
I did not want to marry someone whose relationship with her pastor was at a distance. I was keen about true christian discipleship. I introduced her to everyone that I respect and hold dear. On both sides, we knew each other's mentors and leaders early. There is safety in that.
The loose cannon is someone who is not under control. He is unpredicatable because he is not under leadership and discipleship.
I have been privileged to listen some marital issues brought to me by people who are not under my pastoral oversight.
Most times, when i'm confronted with such people, I ask one vital question: "Who is your spouse accountable to"? This is crucial because people listen to those whom they are submitted to.
From my little experience in counseling, I know it is easier for a man/woman to listen to the person he/she is accountable to. I have had more success counseling my mentees because they see me as their leader, one whose counsel they must heed.
Unfortunately, most couples whom I have seen having one issue or the other in their marriages have spouses who do not listen to anyone. They married a loose cannon. Anytime I hear some couples say, "my husband/wife doesn't have anyone he listens to not even our pastor", I back down. The only thing I recommend in that case is prayer.
It is not wise to marry someone who has no one that can call him/her to order.
A single who has never been under a discipler or someone with an oversight role over him/her is worth running from. Please, run. It is not a sign of maturity even spiritually to be a loose cannon.
Jesus exemplified that while on earth. In John 5:30, he said, "I can do nothing on my own. I judge as God tells me. Therefore, my judgment is just, because I carry out the will of the one who sent me, not my own will"( NLT).
No man on earth is permitted to be the 'alpha' et 'omega' of his life. Some people boast about this saying 'no one on earth can talk to me'.
If no one can talk to him, run. If she listens to nobody, please run. Even as a minister, we shouldn't get to the level where no one can talk to us. If anyone takes that position, a fall is inevitable.
Those who parade themselves as the alpha and omega of their lives are time bombs waiting to explode.
This doesn't mean individuals should be robbed of their independence. However, there should be a measure of submission to higher authorities who have an unbiased and genuine interest one's life.
I'm afraid seeing singles settle for an ordinary church goer that is not submitted to the leadership of his/her church. From experience, people in that category wreck havoc.
Don't agree to marry him because he's nice. If he's accountable to nobody, he's a dangerous option. If she has no proper pastoral oversight, she may be dangerous.
Then I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will lead you with knowledge and understanding( Jer 3:15).
If he/she is not under any shepherd, you might be dealing with a goat.
