It sounds paradoxical that there are lovers who can neither give nor receive love but it is just true. One of the things I have seen that sounds weird are people who claim to be in love but can neither give nor receive the love they profess. People in this category lack some of the essential ingredients of love: empathy, nurture and care.

People in this category often misinterpret any act of love shown to them as hatred. They become suspicious and defensive when care is shown to them,  they interpret it as an attack. It is very dangerous to marry someone who is like this. They cannot be pleased no matter what you do.

One of the ways you can easily recognize people in this caregory is that they are always difficult to get along with. They pick quarrel with everyone including potential benefactors thinking others are the problem but not themselves. They are highly intolerant. If they are bosses at work, they are always difficult to work with, they are never pleased. They are fastidious.

This is common to those raised in a toxic environment where people don't love one another. This problem starts from childhood and it becomes a deep-seated psychological problem in adulthood reflecting in their marriages.

When children are not raised in an atmosphere of love, they grow up to become toxic adults who can neither give nor receive love. That is why I counsel singles to check the background of whom they want to marry and be sure that person has been healed from childhood hurts and trauma.

Another counsel I often give singles is that they should not marry someone that was badly raised except there is a change. While some are concerned about social status, ethnicity and other irrelevant criteria when choosing a spouse, I am concerned about the upbringing of the person. A badly raised child will become a toxic adult.

Most toxic and narcissist adults were raised to be because of wrong childhood experience and exposure to toxicity. For instance, those raised in a polygamous home where there is strife are prone to become suspicious because they were raised in a competitive and defensive atmosphere where wives protect their children and suspect one another.

Also, this trait is common to those raised in homes where there is bitter feud, abuse and all forms of toxic behaviours between their parents. A research I read sometime ago says children raised in abusive marriages are prone to do same in their marriages. In my few years of counseling, I have found this to be true among couples experiencing one form of abuse or the other.

Proper parenting is powerful. It is a preventive measure against some anti marriage traits people exhibit. I tell couples to be good models because their children will likely pattern their marriages after theirs.