8th June, 2022.

FAMILY AFFAIRS Pt.3

1 Tim 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

WHEN YOU PROVIDE FOR THE FAMILY

One day, while discussing with a woman in my office, she told me it is a "cultural" thing for women in her place to be hardworking while the men lazy around. I want to believe it is an unspoken or untaught aspect of her culture. She used her family as an example. She told me how her father made the girls do the hardest and most physically demanding work in the family. The girls pound yam and change deflated car tyres while the guys sit doing nothing. I have been privileged to witness what she said when I lived in her ancestral land. I saw women driving bikes, bicycle, backing babies while going to farm or market but most of their men sit doing nothing. They drink alcohol. If is truly a "cultural" thing, God's children shouldn't be entangled in that kind of culture. Over the years, I've met with several hard working wives who bear the burden of working very hard to provide for their families. They're not widows neither are their husbands sick or handicapped. The kind of business I'm into expose me to alot of women in this condition. I have seen men who lazy around, drink alcohol, they do nothing to make the welfare of the family better. They're good at having sex and getting their wives pregnant. Unfortunately, in the fold, we have such lazy men singing and shouting hallelujah with us. Alot of hardworking wives become bitter the moment they discover their lazy husbands still chase anything in skirt all around while they're at work trying to provide for the family. Often, this makes women look older than their age. This I know from numerous counseling cases. Some men wait for month end to "receive" their wives salaries and spend as they like. Some even control their wives account and deprive her the privilege of eating from the fruit of her labour. These I've seen and I can say loudly that it is abnormal. Men, I have a message for you.

God didn't design a woman to be the major provider for the family. It puts on them a stress they can't bear emotionally. It is like putting 50kg load on someone that weighs 30kg. The natural design of a man is to work and provide for his family. Any culture or tradition that opposes this is anti bible. Let's consider the first man God created and his job description: "The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it"(Genesis 2:15 NIV). This is divine order. God gave the first man a work or job to do before giving him a family. Some think "work" is a result of man's fall but the scripture above preceded the fall. So God created man to work before the fall. God is wise, if he had given Adam a wife before giving him a job, Eve would be worn out, emotionally distraught and over burdened. That's happening to many women today. When God brought Eve, her assignment was to help Adam. That is, Adam was the man with the major responsibility while the wife only gave support where necessary. This order hasn't changed. Even if your wife earn millions, by nature she's designed to still collect something from you no matter how little. That "little" speaks volume to her about you. In her heart, she knows that you don't earn as much as she does but when you give, she'll know you're responsible. The worse is when men work and still doesn't provide for the family or when they can work but refused to work. Men, there's dignity in any legal labour that puts food on the table for your family even if it is driving. Don't be ashamed to do whatever isn't against God's will to stand in your place. As long as you're not sick, there's no excuse for not working even if it pays a little. That "little" speaks volumes to her that you're responsible.

Men, the moment your children especially your sons know that your wife is at the vanguard of carrying financial burdens in the home, you'll pass the baton of irresponsible living to them. A woman once told me her husband said he doesn't know that it was his duty to provide for his family probably because he never saw his dad do that. That's one of the dangers of raising children without a responsible father figure. Some men are raised in polygamous homes where mothers fend for their children. Their fathers don't care. When sons see their father labour for the family, they won't be taught to do same when they grow up. It will flow naturally because we all learn by imitation. Even if you're called into full time ministry, wake up in the morning and resume to your office and return in the evening like other men. Don't sleep and wake up doing nothing under the pretext of "my office is in my house and my job is to pray and read the bible." Even as a full time minister, there are things you can do that won't take your time or attention from the work. From my personal study& observation, most Nigerian ministers( even of mega churches) doing fine have businesses that pay them more than what any church can pay them. That's wisdom. It is unwise to put all your financial life and plan on what the church pays you. Plan your life and future independent of what comes from the church. I've seen church leaders who were neglected after they retired. They spent all their life depending on church allowance. In retirement, they felt sidelined. Their children aren't happy with the church system that impoverished their fathers and deprived them. Yours shouldn't be like that. Men, take your place and work. Single ladies, beware of falling in love with men whose dreams and aspirations is on their mouth. They're doing nothing daily to achieve their dreams. Be sure he is working and not deceiving you with cliché like "I'm a contractor". Beware of such brothers. You need finance to sponsor romance. And to the wives, this message is not intended to make life hell for your husbands. Support where necessary and don't neglect him especially when he doesn't have enough. It is a team work. I've only used this teaching to call the attention of the team captain to his major role. I call you blessed.