11th June, 2022.

FAMILY AFFAIRS Pt.6

Amos 3:3 Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? NLT

AGREEMENT IS CRUCIAL

I once heard about a couple that had recurring fight over the issue of vigil. The husband came from a church background where women are not permitted to attend vigils whereas the wife had a different background. This Christian wife hates the idea of staying at home on friday night while vigil is ongoing in church. That challenge resulted from their failure to reach a concrete agreement in courtship. Often, what people overlook either in courtship or in the early stages of marriage later becomes the bone of contention in marriage. Most times, some of the challenges couples face in marriages stems from lack of agreement on crucial matters. One of the reasons we advocate for quality courtship is to reach agreement on issues that may threaten the life and joy of the marriage. Courtship time is talking time. It shouldn't just be about "I love you." Though, there are issues you may not be able to agree on in courtship because those issues may not present itself. However, if you have a culture of proper communication and reaching agreement on fundamental issues before marriage, you'll not have much problem in reaching agreement on other issues in marriage. Fundamental issues like faith, finance, family life and size, sex,in-laws, location, friends and others requires agreement. As "little" as some of these look, if there's no proper agreement on them, it may snuff out life and peace in the home.

I know a brother and sister who didn't marry because they couldn't agree on the subject of tithing. The sister believes in tithing 'dogmatically' but the brother doesn't. They were wise enough to part ways in courtship. Today, both are doing fine in their marriages. A man refused to pay the fees of one of his children because he told his wife that the child was not in their family size plan. Was he not the one who impregnated his wife? Hilarious you'll say but that's just how irrelevant issues cause significant problems. Agreement helps in channeling energies and resources in a particular/ common direction. If you're not yet married, you have time to agree and disagree. It is either you proceed further into marriage if you reach agreement or you part ways and build your life with someone else. However, for the married, there's no exit option. You may need to disagree( respectfully) to agree. You can disagree without becoming disagreeable.

On any issue of concern, the way to reach agreement is to have a robust communication with your spouse. This type of communication explore the length, breadth, depth and height of the matter before reaching agreement. If you're trying to get your spouse to reason with you on a matter, present your facts calmly and lovingly. You don't need to raise your voice to get him/ her see reason with you. You must be deliberate, intentional and systematic in presenting your facts before each other. Also, you may need to give room for wide consultation before reaching a common ground. You're not trying to win an argument neither are you trying to show superiority of wisdom. The moment your partner ( especially the man) perceives you're coming from a standpoint of superiority, you'll always meet a brick wall. Your goal should be the common good of the family not self.