HANDLING MISUNDERSTANDING IN MARRIAGE Pt.4

The art of communication in handling conflict is such that we must learn. Another vital aspect of communication in handling misunderstanding is to appeal to the reasoning of our spouses so that we can fix the missing understanding. The road of reasoning is the path that leads to understanding. God made us rational beings inbuild with the capacity to reason. As an aside, as a single, don't marry someone who loathe reasoning and application of common sense on issues no matter how spiritual the person appear. In Proverbs 2:11, the bible says, "Discretion shall preserve thee,...". Discretion is a product of reasoning and it has the potency of preserving your marriage. Some misunderstandings that arise in marriage only require the application of our rationality and patience to hear out views before reaching a workable conclusion. Note the phrase "workable conclusion".

We often quote Amos 3:3 to couples and singles planning to be married but we fail to realize that agreement cannot be achieved without reasoning together, weighing issues and looking at several perspectives on the same matter before reaching a mutual conclusion. God is not against reasoning. How did I know? In Isaiah 1:18, God said, "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD:..". Our God is a reasoning God. Reasoning together is a biblical recommendation to finding mutual understanding on issues. Spirituality is not tantamount to a suspension of our reasoning faculty. For example, money issues often cause misunderstandings in some homes. "Mrs" want their son to attend a school of $1000 per session because her friend's children attend the school. Unknown to her their income isn't up to $700 in a year. Her assumption is that her husband is capable because he bought a vehicle not knowing he took a car loan in the office. In the first place, a wise husband shouldn't hide such details from his wife. Men who hide details of their income from their wives often create a false assumption in the hearts of their wives on money matters. The demands women place on their husbands on money matters is a response to their perception of the man's pocket. It is normal. A rational wife won't present a budget her husband cannot afford if she knows their worth.

To resolve this, "Mr" should calmly open up about his finances and "Mrs" should do same truthfully and reason out the matter on the grounds of affordability. At the end of their discussion, both of them would know what they're worth and what they can afford. I'm sure "Mrs" won't advice they take loan to pay school fees when other expenses are there. Is this hard for any normal human to do? Now, so many homes have had serious misunderstandings or issues related to the scenario I just described. A child of God shouldn't suspend/relegate reasoning because of faith/ spirituality. Unfortunately, there are unbelievers living peacefully in their homes because they understand and apply these things to their marriages. That's why we need to consider the cousel of King Solomon once again: "Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: AND WITH ALL THY GETTING GET UNDERSTANDING". Proverbs 4:7 KJV.