DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU

Sometime ago, I was privileged to counsel some singles who had fears about marriage. Most likely, they've heard several theories and teachings from so many marriage counselors. Also, i perceived they have observed several marriages and heard different things from different couples. The conflicting ideologies caused them a great deal of confusion. I discovered I was talking to those who have been loaded with several information from relationship experts and preachers. If I talk like an expert, I may add to their confusion. Then I found myself telling them, "do what works for you". That simple statement is what most singles and even married couples need to take to heart and act upon to make their marriage work. No two marriages are exactly the same and what works in home "A" may not work in home "B".

The little I know about marriage is that there are biblical principles that makes marriage work but the methods of working out those principles may vary from home to home. You don't enforce methods, you teach principles and leave your listeners to find suitable method(s) of applying the principles. I once listened to a preacher who insinuated that wives who don't kneel for their husbands are disrespectful. Are you kidding me? If we use "kneeling" as a yardstick to measure respect in homes, then most Christian women may not measure up. Some men may hear that and go home to demand their wives to be kneeling down daily and even at the dining table whenever their meals is to be served. As little as it sounds, it may set some homes on fire. Respect is a principle that makes marriage work but kneeling down is just one of the methods of showing it. Besides, it is more of a cultural issue to kneel as a sign of respect, what if we cross to cultures that sees kneeling as counter cultural and abusive? There, we'll be creating another problem.

I don't like to stand in the place of a marriage expert whose counsel is law but one thing I know is that if two believers that are Spirit-led are willing to make their marriage work, all they need do is to discover what makes for peace in their home and abide by it as long as it doesn't contradict God's word. Stop confusing yourself with several methods or marriage models you've heard or read. Your marriage can work perfectly if you know what works for you in all facets of your marital life. Don't try to copy a method/ model until you're sure it works for you. That's why heart-to-heart communication is vital during courtship and in marriage. For singles, solid communication during courtship will help you build solid understanding needed to make your marriage work. Don't just tell her how beautiful she looks, let your discussions be topical and issue-based. Project into your marital future and discuss it gradually. Certain things shouldn't catch you by surprise in marriage. As couples, don't overlook important issues, discuss it prayerfully with a sense of maturity. You're adults, you don't need to engage in a shouting match. Resolve to do what works for you.