HANDLING MISUNDERSTANDING IN MARRIAGE Pt.2

In a world where homes are breaking almost on daily basis, there's a need to learn how to prevent whatever may threaten the unity of this holy institution instituted by God. I believe misunderstanding can be avoided in most instances and it can also be resolved if couples are willing to fix their marriages. The coming together of two individuals from different families, backgrounds and with different exposure and worldviews makes misunderstanding inevitable. In any marriage that will work, the two involved must be willing to work through their misunderstanding and work it out till there is mutual understanding. That is why we say marriage is for adults not for babies. Even if a man/woman is advanced in age and doesn't know how to handle conflict, he/she is a baby in the mind. Such persons aren't fit for marriage. For singles, one of the things you should watch out for in your fiancé/fiancée is the ability to handle issues. If someone is fond of throwing tantrums instead addressing issues calmly, he/she may be a disaster waiting to happen.

In the previous devotional, it was said that the very first step to handling misunderstanding is to find the missing understanding. That's just the starting point but it is not the be all. After you've discovered what is missing, what should you do? There are several things that can be done but the exact thing to do depends on the nature of the misunderstanding. Often, what is missing in understanding could be a result of ignorance on the subject matter or inability to subject one's view to reasoning for mutual consideration. The next thing to do is to supply the missing understanding through communication. We often misconstrue communication as talking but I've discovered that it is possible to talk and not communicate. Most couples in crisis talk but only few communicate.

When you communicate, you speak in a manner that is intelligible and understandable to your listener. To "commune" is involved in communication. Invariably, a fruitful communication that will bring peace should not be one-sided. It takes two to make the marriage work. Sometimes, when we think our perspectives on a particular issue is right, we may discover how wrong we are until we hear the views of another person. Fruitful communication involves you both. When you see couples whose crisis has lingered for too long, most likely, someone is talking instead of communicating. In counseling, I have met women/men who are right in their perspective on a burning issue yet they appear to be in the wrong because they don't know how to communicate their perspective effectively to their spouses. It is normal for a rational human being to oppose any view/perspective he/she doesn't understand. Some men complain how "stubborn" their wives are but taking a cursory look at those women, they're just being normal in their reaction to a perspective not well communicated. Until you know how to communicate, your wisdom may not carry much value. In all thy getting, get understanding.