RELATIONSHIPS THAT WON'T WORK Pt.2

WHERE THERE'S NO AGREEMENT

Years back, a relationship between a brother and sister crashed because there was no agreement on tithing. This sister hold tithing so dear as though heaven depended on it but this brother doesn't share the same view so they parted ways. I heard about a couple whose marriage became an oven of chaos because of vigil. The man married his wife from a church where ladies are permitted to attend vigil but in this man's church, ladies don't attend vigils. They failed to iron the issue out in courtship before proceeding to the altar. As little as some of these issues raised may sound, when there's no proper agreement between couples and those intending to marry on vital issues of life and faith, their relationship won't work.

Why some relationships won't work is because there's no agreement on issues of life, faith, career progress, location and purpose. Marriage is not what you enter into on the basis of assumption neither do you feel your way through into it. Courtship requires frank talk. Some issues causing friction in several marriages are issues that would have been resolved in courtship before entering into marriage. Sometimes, you may need to disagree respectfully to agree, that's reaching a compromise. Courtship period is the time for frank talk not the time to discuss sweet nonsense. In courtship, It is easier you agree on issues or make a u-turn if agreement is not reached than in marriage. Crisis and occasional quarrels is what you'll have in marriage when you try to raise vital issues that ought to have been settled in courtship. As a minister of the Gospel, I've seen this several times in counseling.

The assumption that your partner knows what ought to be and how things should be is a costly assumption. Some men run their homes the way they saw their dad run his. There are young men towing the same path but unknown to their fiancée. Same applies to the ladies. Sometimes, people's views on issues are formed by their background, environment and experiences in life. On its own, that will cause disagreement when relating with others. You need to develop a relational skill on presenting issues objectively and stirring reasoning in the other person for agreement or compromise to be reached. That you both have different views on certain issues isn't bad. It is normal. Where the problem lies is when the other person becomes consistently unreasonable on issues that requires mutualism and when you also have a rigid stance on issues that requires a healthy compromise. It takes the agreement of two to make a relationship work, where there's no agreement, it is unwise to forge ahead.