Proverbs 17:9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
I once told the story of a couple who had a very stormy marriage. Both of them decided to visit a counselor to resolve their issues. The counselor told them to make a box for keeping records of offenses.
The counselor instructed them to write the nature of offense, time and date on a paper and drop it inside the box. This continued for a specified period of time.
After sometime, the box was opened. The wife's box was full of complaints while the box of the man contained only one piece of paper saying, "I love you". The man chose not to dwell on her nagging, faults and fault-finding attitude but the wife was a trophy winning fault-finder.
This singular action made her realize that love only prospers when couples don't dwell on each other's faults.
I have discovered how to kill love in marriage. The easiest way to sap the joy, strength, love and kill the love in marriage is to always dwell on offenses, pile them up and never forgive.
As you focus on the imperfections of your spouse daily, it magnifies till it injects hatred into the bloodstream of your marriage.
Often, we fail to realize that we're not married to angels. It will be very unrealistic to think that someone with flesh and blood won't offend us.
Love only prospers when we dwell more on the good side of our spouse.
Stop trying to change what the Holy Spirit alone can change. If you do, you'll be frustrated always because you'll fail. Commit what you can't change to the ultimate changer- the Holy Spirit.
Focus on the strength of your spouse, those things that makes him/her standout. Adulate him/her for those things.
If you look for fault always, you'll find one. Fault finding is the reason some concluded "all women/ men are the same".
Often, fault-finding and failure to forgive is what leads to the conclusion: "irreconcilable differences". Some marriages would have survived their storm If the couples had followed this biblical counsel.
In fact, If you want to help your spouse out of his/her love-killing habits, focus on his/ her area of strength, give all your energy to it and create an environment where virtues and strength thrive.
Unconsciously, those things that get you upset may find the exit door. Constant fault-finding changes no one.
Wise husbands&wives who don't want to die before their time must learn to look away from certain things: "Hatred stirs up strife but LOVE COVERS ALL SINS" (Proverbs 10:12).
Father, I receive grace to stay in love and never to kill it in Jesus name.