16th May, 2022.

I HAVE A COUNSEL FOR SINGLES

Proverbs 2:11 Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.

During my service year, I was privileged to serve God as a minister in Nigeria Christian Corpers' Fellowship. During that period, we were saddled with the responsibility of choosing new leaders in the fellowship. Other leaders at the zones also do same before handing over. In one of the zones, a lady was interviewed to take up one of the leadership roles but she declined. When she was asked the reason for declining, her response was that she wanted to marry. Now, that's a good reason because we don't allow married people to lead in the fellowship. Also, if you haven't entered a relationship, you are not permitted to enter or accept a marriage proposal while serving as a leader. However, in her case, we discovered it was all a ruse. She wasn't in any relationship neither was Marriage in-view. We discovered this much later. In fact, she didn't marry until years after we finished NYSC. So what went wrong? We discovered she was so obsessed with the idea marrying so she doesn't want anything to hinder her desire because she knew that taking up leadership role could stop her from "achieving" marriage. It is understandable if she was in a relationship but she was not in any. Actually, she lost an opportunity to develop some leadership skills. So many sisters, most of whom weren't in any relationship, who served as leaders developed some leadership skills. Today, they're married.

What happened to this lady is common to so many singles I've seen in this generation. In a bid to marry, they suspend their growth in other areas of their life. In fact, some ladies have been told not to pursue further academic studies to post graduate level because if they do, men won't come. Have you heard this before? Most times, this counsel and other related counsels are given to ladies to make them feel if they rise as a single, men won't come for them. It sounds like wise counsel but they are filled with the insecurities of the adviser. Rather, the counsel should point such ladies towards living a humble and simple life not to stop their progress. At any level you find yourself in life, there's a man for you. You'll always attract your kind. The idea of being "left behind" is not only common to those who are developing themselves. Today, many ladies that aren't educated enough are single praying to be married. Don't let anyone guilt trip you because of your desire to make progress. It is painful that ladies are often at the receiving end of this counsel. Rarely will you hear a man told not to study further or pursue his dreams because of marriage. In fact, a lady once told her story on twitter about this issue. She got a scholarship admission for Masters&PhD in Canada. She lost her relationship and was persuaded to drop her academic pursuit for marriage. She continued though with pains. She cried at times seeing her friends marrying before her. Later God answered her prayers and gave her a good man. In her story, she appreciated God that she didn't drop the pursuit of her personal development for marriage because she's reaping the reward and her husband and children are beneficiaries as well.

Don't forget this: "You prepare for marriage as you prepare for life". If all you're preparing for as a single is marriage, you'll enter into marriage unformed, ill-prepared and as an immature person. Don't pause or abandon your growth and life pursuit because you want to marry. Marriage is not an end in itself. We should stop making singlehood look like a crime that must be avoided or exited at all cost. Marriage is not all there is to achieve in life. After all, there are many celibates who lived a fulfilled life. Your singleness is a gift from God that is rare. This phase of your life makes it easy for you to pursue your dreams and to work towards a future you've envisioned unhindered. Marriage should only come into the picture to boost and catalyse your dreams, visions and pursuit. The single that has nothing to live for has no business getting married. If a brother can't accept you because he feels you're far ahead simply know he is not for you. You can't afford to live under the same roof with an insecure man. If he's dangling options like "Choose between me and your academic pursuit/career progress". That's a manipulator. None of those things stop marriage if you pray and plan properly. A man that is not ready to give you wings to fly should be avoided at all cost.