LOVE ATTRACTS BUT UNDERSTANDING SUSTAINS MARRIAGE

One of the surprises I've seen under heavens are divorced or separated couples who claim to love each other. It beats my imagination that couples claim to be in love yet their marriages are stormy. Anytime I read news either online or in print media, at least i'll see a case of divorce once in two weeks. I have taken my time to analyse critically what went wrong in most of those marriages. As an aside, i have observed a trend among some divorcees, whenever they ask them if they're still in love with their estranged spouses. Quite a number claimed they still loved their ex but they can't live together because of irreconciliable differences. I know you've heard that statement too. If a man is professing to still love a woman he has divorced, what could be wrong? All over the world, irreconcilable differences seems to be the major reason for separation and divorce.

I concluded that lack of understanding contributed to the failure of most marriages not lack of love. Love can attract but understanding sustains. We have seen love birds who professed undying love for each other but ended their marriage bitterly. When you talk to some divorcees, they may speak bitterly about their estranged spouses but deep within, the affection is still there. In fact, some still see each other secretly or "accidentally" find themselves making love when alone by accident yet they find it hard to live together. Misunderstanding in marriage results from 'missing understanding' about your partner. At the root of every misunderstanding is a missing understanding. Once proper understanding is in place, the marriage remains. Understanding your spouse and accepting that you can't change certain things will help you to avoid misunderstandings. In marriage, you don't use the template of another couple to run your home neither do you relate with your spouse like you do to everyone. Understanding that there are individual differences and learning how to cope with the individual differences of your partner will help you against the evil conclusion called irreconcilable differences. *Communication is a major pathway to understanding. Couples who communicate rarely have misunderstanding. The more they communicate, the better they understand each other.

Sometimes, you may need to study or observe to understand your spouse. There are things mouth can't tell yet you can only learn by observation and adjusting accordingly. Husbands, do your best to understand your wife so that you can live in harmony with her. Same applies to wives. The way Mr 'A' is loving and living with his wife may not work for you because Mrs 'A' is different from your wife. As you love, seek to understand. Don't complain that your wife talks too much, generally women are wired to talk. Just be a good listener. Don't complain about your husband's love for sport, be part of it. If he's a Chelsea fan, be an Arsenal fan, watching football together can be romantic. Change the things you can change but don't be mad about those things you can't change. You are not a changer. Those who told you marriage is all about enjoyment from A-Z told you half truth. There's enjoyment and endurance in marriage. Don't forget that endurance is one of the fruit of the Spirit. It is a Christian virtue we must cultivate if our marriages will work. I'll only counsel against enduring a spouse when life is threatened. Aside that, enjoy each other's perfections and celebrate it and endure the imperfections you can't change. Let God handle that. Love will attract but understanding will keep your marriage intact.