BE REALISTIC IN YOUR MARITAL EXPECTATIONS

One of my brothers in Christ told me about a lady he wanted to marry. In one of their discussions, the lady told him that her expectation in marriage was that her future husband should be able to have sex for fifteen hours.

When he heard this, he knew something was wrong somewhere. He probably thought this lady was joking but when he saw her seriousness, he perished the thought of marrying that lady.

No need to prove a point. Alot of people entered into marriage with weird and unrealistic marital expectations. Some single brothers think they'll have sex with their wives for 365 days in a year till death part them. They think women are sperm toilets. Only lazy men sleep with their wives every night.

Some ladies have read romantic novels where an unrealistic picture of marriage was painted. They fantasize and dream about their husbands acting like the man they read about. Often, reality proves them wrong and when proven wrong, conflict begins.

What you read in romantic novels and most of the things you watch in films are make-believe, they are not real. Some couples keep having bedroom problems not because of the unrealistic bedroom expectations.

For instance, If a woman has watched porn several times, one of the things she'll notice is how most of those porn actors last long on a woman but may fail to realize that most men that act porn are under the influence of drugs and that the film trick of replaying a scene as though it lasted for hours was employed by these porn film makers to make the man look strong whereas it is not so in reality. You didn't marry a porn and marriage isn't about sex only. Don't forget that.

Same applies to men who have unrealistic sexual expectations from their wives. As funny as it sound, foolish unrealistic expectations on bedroom matters has broken many homes.

No thanks to local aphrodisiac sellers in my country. Almost every local herb or drink is touted a sexual performance enhancer. The marketers will say all manners of sweet nonsense making you feel if you can't last one hour per round, you're lazy. Hey! That's abnormal.

As funny as it sounds, some are fighting marital battles triggered by this funny unrealistic expectations.

It is not only in bedroom matters people have unrealistic expectations. Some marriage counselors often paint unrealistic picture of marriage to singles making it look like a roller coaster.

For those that are experiencing challenges in marriage, they feel like a failure especially when they hear statements like: 'I have never had any disagreement with my spouse since we married'. For me, that's very unrealistic and if true, someone is pretending in that marriage.

Listen to this, that you're having challenges agreeing on issues and understanding each other in some areas doesn't mean you've failed in marriage. Disagreement is normal in every human relationship. However, inability to resolve those challenges amicably and allowing it to fester for long is where you can be adjudged a failure.

If you enter into marriage with unrealistic assumptions, you'll be disappointed when certain realities hit you.

That doesn't mean you should be expecting the worse but what i'm saying is that you should be realistic with your expectation as much as possible. It would help you to cope and adjust properly. Having realistic expectations doesn't connote negativity.

One of the reasons some marriages are boiling is because of unfulfilled expectations.

For example, thinking your spouse won't offend you at least once in a life time is very unrealistic. You did not marry an angel. Even if you do, because you're human, you'll need to learn how to cope with an angel in marriage because they have wings but you don't. The process of learning to cope will surely bring some issues.

I make bold to say there's no perfect marriage but there can only be an ideal marriage. A marriage where Christ is the Head through the man and where the wife is submissive with godly children inclusive.

Conflict of ideas and opinion may arise in marriage but there's no need to engage in combat. To make your marriage work, disagree without being disagreeable.