MY FIRST MARRIAGE SEMINAR

When my parents celebrated their over four decades anniversary in marriage, I put up a post online saying their marriage was the first marriage 'seminar' I attended.

That meant alot to me because there was no other way I could have learnt what a true Christian marriage is practically without them. They modeled it to me. Marriage conferences, seminars and books are good but it os much better to learn Christian marriage practically from those who model it.

One way or the other, children learn marriage consciously or unconsciously from their parents. The question is: "What marital lessons are most children learning from their parents"? Constant battery, nagging or forgiveness and love?

I read the post of a wife beater online. He had an altercation with his wife which made him abuse his wife physically. He called the slap "correctional slap" in his post. The wife reported to the police and they arrested him.

His toxic outburst on social media caught my attention. He said "we don't have wife materials again. My dad slapped my mum and she never reported him to the police"( paraphrase). Now, his statement made me think deeply about his childhood and where it all went wrong with him.

He didn't become a wife beater because he read it in a book or was lectured about it, he lived with a father figure who modeled battery to him and he found himself doing same at adulthood.

He may have heard in seminars and teachings that it is wrong to beat a woman and mentally assent to it but battery has been registered in his subconscious from childhood so he'll find himself acting it out.

Research shows that children learn marriage firsthand from their parents by observing how their parents treat each other. Also, they handle their marriages the way they see their parents handle theirs. If they're from a broken home, theirs is likely to break if they don't learn how to handle crisis. This is a rule with just a few exception.

A young boy who has seen daddy beat mummy on several occasion will register the act in his subconscious as what a man should do to a woman that misbehaves. A girl whose mother verbally abuse her father or walk away from her marriage will likely do same to her husband if Jesus doesn't intervene quickly.

Quite a number of anomalies in homes today are products of wrong modeling from childhood.

What type of marriage do you desire for your children? Do you want it to be exactly like yours?
It is time to break the cycle if you've been modeling the wrong stuff to them.

As a parent, you have to be intentional about what you say and do in the presence of your children. Don't say "they're small, they don't know anything".

They know a lot because they have watched you over time. Children learn quickly from what they see you do than what they hear you say. Let them see Jesus in your life as you relate as husband and wife.

The bible says 'husbands should love their wives; daddies please love mummies the way Christ loved the church. Junior can't learn that kind of love in school or from book, you have to model it to him. Most men who don't care for their wives are products of poor/ wrong modeling in that regard.

Mummies, submit to daddy; the message of feminism is what the world will teach Jane. There's no other place where she can learn submission at its best except you model it to her.

Your marriage is the first and longest marriage seminar your children will attend in life, please, model it well.