I WAS MISLED BY 'COOLER MINISTRATION'

Back in the days on campus, I partook in "cooler ministration". Oh! Some persons may be lost here but I'll help you understand this properly. Some sisters were fond of cooking for brothers. They do this with their money and bring the food to the fellowship venue in a cooler for the brothers. This happened once in a while not everytime. That's where we coined the name "cooler ministration".

I can't deny I didn't receive cooler ministrations especially in my final year. Then, it was a life saver on many occasions. It should be noted that some of these sisters did it without strings attached. However, there were some who had something in mind and one can easily sense it.

There was a particular sister, who gave me and my roommate 'cooler ministration'. She stuck to me and no way for me to escape until after a while. I can't forget the day she brought turkey and rice that was half done. Myself and roommate ate the stone-hard rice in her presence pretending as though the rice was sweet. We didn't want her to feel bad because she must have put so much of her time and energy into cooking that meal. It was a big punishment for us that day eating rice that was half done.

This lady was all over me, showing care and I was all over her too. I interpreted her kind gestures as "she's in love with me". I didn't take my time to check her value- system and other things. No thanks to my roommates who repeatedly told me she was good for me. Food was speaking through them not the Holy Spirit. In a nutshell, I misinterpreted her constant care and attention as love. I was wrong.

One question singles ask often is to know If the love they are receiving is genuine or fake. Some ladies have been showered with gifts and affection yet they're still in doubt If they've found true love while others quickly think the guy is in love with them.

Some young men are receiving attention from a sister in church or at work and deep within, they've concluded they're in love. I remember a musician composed a song years back asking, 'Is this love that I'm feeling? In fact, upon hearing 'I love you', some ladies become confused about love. So how do we discern true love?

Let me start by saying that if you haven't experienced the love of Christ and understand how loving God works, you cannot discern properly If that brother or sister truly love you.

Having experienced and understood God's love, you will understand what love should be because God is love. We can only discern true love by accepting God's love and loving God in return.

What's the proof of love towards God? The answer can be found in 1 John 5:3 which says, "Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome".

Obedience to God is the proof of our love for God. That's how to love God in return. Only those who love God by showing the fruit of obedience to Him can truly love you the way you should be loved.

There's no other way to this. The single that hasn't surrendered his/her actions, words, thoughts and ambitions in total obedience to God as a proof love to Him cannot love you in return.

Watch his/her life. If it is consistently lived in compromise and in opposition to God's word, that's not a candidate for marriage yet even If such person speaks in tongues.

A brother or sister whose life is not pleasing to God cannot love you with the love of God. Love is measured by obedience to God. If he obeys God, he won't struggle to love you as commanded in scriptures. Don't mistake attention and emotional display for love. With time, it fades.

Even bad people show some care and attention at the onset of relationship but when push comes to shove, that's when true love comes to play.

I noticed some singles are always looking for quick fix methods like: '10 steps to discern true love'. Well, those self help books and messages maybe helpful but until you get the basis, other points may not be useful.

Some singles prefer 'singles' seminar to word seminar yet the word is the foundation for a lasting relationship. Bankers are not trained with fake notes to discern them. They are trained to know the original notes and they interact with the original to an extent that when they see fake notes, they'll recognize it quickly because they've seen the original over time.

Your depth of relationship with God(who is love) is the surest way to discern true love of humans. It is not an emotional thing. When you have a cordial relationship with God, you'll know what true love is when you see one. Until you know and understand the love of God, you may not discern true love from fellow humans.

Stop chasing after shadows, pursue the real thing. The first and fore most important relationship in your life is your relationship with God. Every other relationship comes after.