They met in their school fellowship while on campus. He became the president of their campus fellowship and everyone saw him as a man of God with great prospect in ministry. Sisters were all over him because of his perceived spirituality but he "picked" one whom he promised marriage and he married her.

Everyone around him saw the fault line in his character except the sisters who fell head over heels in love with him because he was their president. A few people saw his uncontrollable temper as he exercised leadership but some felt it was an expression of leadership zeal when things aren't working.

He married her and he became a professional wife beater. Severally, families settled their quarrel. Colleagues at work saw her with swollen eyes but she covered up for her pastor husband. The same uncontrollable anger that a few saw him exhibit on campus now has translated into wife battery. In a nutshell, on one of the days when his unformed nature took hold of him, he fought with his wife and stabbed her to death. Coroner report says he stabbed her 76 times. This is not a fiction, it happened and was reported in the dailies.

The character flaws that causes problems in peoples marriages is not what they picked or started in marriage. The fault line has been there before marriage and it is often not hidden to those who have seeing eyes. One can predict how the marriage of some singles will turn out by merely observing their character.

The saved but unformed lover is another person you should not marry as a single. He/ she may have a form of godliness, zeal and spiritual attraction but the character of Christ has not been formed in him/ her. The saved but unformed believer may be singing in the choir, prophesying and might be a respected leader in church but there is a part of him that is yet to be totally yielded to God that may cause harm in marriage.

Meeting someone in church is not enough reason or ground to marry them neither is it a guarantee of a happy marriage. Diffrerent kinds of people are in church. What validates your choice is not where you meet the person but who the person really is in terms of Christlikeness. Many church people have fallen into the hands of beasts they met in church.

A man once said, "church is like a psychiatric home where God is treating several insane people. Some are responding but others are not". That sounds funny but there is an element of truth in it.

Singles easily get carried away by the spiritual 'CV' of whom they want to marry forgetting that they are not getting married to titles or position but the character of the person. A believer whose character has not been formed is not so different from an unbeliever.

The moment you begin to see traits of what Jesus would not do in him/ her, rethink your decision and do not stay in that relationship because of the dream you had. Revelation is not a guarantee that your choice is right. The guarantee of a good choice is alignment of values. Why stay in relationship with someone who has shown signs of immirality or battery because of a revelation you had?

Dear single, stop looking at the charisma in that brother or sister, start looking for Christ formation in his/ heart. Failure to do this is the reason some are in marital pains today. It is the character that sustains love in marriage not the charisma.

Dearest, let Galatians 4:19 be your personal desire and let it be what you desire to see in whom you want to marry.