*Proverbs 22:6 -* _"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."_
A HUMAN IN TRANSITION SEASON
As a pastor and one who works closely with young people, I have discovered that most complaints from parents are centered around the sudden change in behaviour of their teenage children.
Six out of ten parents have one complaint or the other about their teenagers. You will hear statements like, "I don't understand him again," or "She questions everything now."
Parenting teenagers is one of the most delicate seasons of parenting. The child you once carried on your back now has a mind of his own, questions everything, and craves independence.
Many parents don't lose their teenagers to the world; they lose them to poor handling. That is why in our School of Ministry (ASOM), I intentionally train Christian counselors on understanding teenagers.
One crucial truth every parent must understand is this: Teenage years are not rebellion years, they are transition years. They are moving from childhood to adulthood. If you understand this transition, you will handle them with wisdom.
If you handle them wisely, you will gain a friend for life. If you handle them with anger and excessive control, you will lose them even while they still live under your roof.
> _"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."_ - *Ecclesiastes 3:1*
Your teenager is no longer a small child, and not yet an adult. He is in-between. His body is changing, his hormones are active, his identity is forming, and his brain is seeking independence.
Many parents make the mistake of still treating teenagers like children. You still shout "Go and kneel down!" for every mistake. You still beat a 17-year-old boy as if he were 7. You embarrass him before his friends and destroy his self-esteem without knowing.
Your teenager needs to know that you understand his season.
> _"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."_ - *Ephesians 6:4*
Stop comparing him to when he was 5. He is fighting battles you may not see: identity crisis, peer pressure, academic stress, sexual urges, and fear of the future.
To help your teenager in this season, do these:
*1. Study your teenager.*
What does he love? Who are his friends? Who is he fond of? What are his hobbies? What makes him come alive? You cannot guide who you do not understand.
*2. Shift from control to influence.*
Children are controlled, teenagers are influenced. At this stage, if you are not a good role model yourself, you cannot reproduce the virtues you desire to see in your child. You influence your teenager more by the uprightness of your character than by the volume of your instructions.
*3. Affirm them more than you correct them.*
Teenagers need affirmation more than correction. Correct in love, but affirm their identity, efforts, and small wins. A teenager who is constantly corrected but never affirmed will withdraw from you.
Lord, give me wisdom to understand my teenager's season. Help me not to provoke my child to wrath, but to nurture him with love, wisdom, and godly example. Amen.