IT IS NOT A BLACK MARKET

One unbiblical stereotypes about marriage I've heard is when some persons refer to making marital choice as buying a commodity from a "black market". A market where the quality of products are unpredictable and uncertain. Those with this mentality believe a good spouse is gotten by "luck" not by principles or by the Spirit. I have heard Christians and ministers of the gospel make this unbiblical statement. The reason why they say this is because of the several bitter experiences some persons have had especially those who experienced a sudden change in the character of whom they married.

In the scheme of God's dealings with man on marriage, luck does not have a place. Marriage is a choice we have to make prayerfully and watchfully based on principles. When people complain that their spouses turn from good to worse after marriage and begin to exhibit funny characters that were unknown to them in courtship, I always disagree with that. The reason is because it is either they didn't observe or watchout for shades of character and habits that may be inimical to the health of their marriage while in courtship or they saw it but choose to turn a blind eye to it assuming that a change will occur in marriage. God will never lead us into marriage with poisonous spouse. Who we marry is a product of our choice whether good/bad. That's why it is good to make a choice based on information not by emotion. For example, a control freak, disrespectful and domineering person cannot pretend for long and will never make a good spouse. You can know this by watching how he/she treats others. A single brother/sister who doesn't respect elders and parents will not cherish and respect his/her spouse in marriage even if married to an angel.

You don't need a prophet to tell you that a hot-tempered man is a potential wife beater. While he may not do this in courtship because of "love", but by merely observing how he relates with others, you will know. How people relate with others starting from their family, to their co workers in the office and neighbours tells a lot about them. A man that cannot wait for sex before marriage is a potential candidate for extra marital affairs in marriage because he lacks self control. Even after marriage, he'll need that self control to keep himself because sexual temptation never stops. Now, a sister may be seeing a brother like that and may assume he'll change once they start having sex in marriage. It doesn't work that way. Failure to discern the core values and life principles by which a person operates is what leads to shocking surprises later on. My counsel to you is that you should make your choice by the leading of the Spirit and by principle not by emotion. Don't pamper or ignore habits, attitudes, character or pattern of thinking in a person that may pose threat to your marital joy in the future.