Dec 1st, 2021.

UNHEALTHY SURPRISE

Jer 3:15 And I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will guide you with knowledge and understanding. NLT

In my few years of counseling and praying with singles trusting God for a life partner, I've seen and experienced what I call "unhealthy surprise". This is what I mean; some singles are fond of asking their pastors for prayers when they're trusting God for a life partner but the moment a suitor comes knocking or may be they see a sister, they break off from their pastors and spiritual mentors for a while, keep them in the dark about their decision, only to resurface for pre marital counseling when marriage plans have been concluded. This comes as a surprise to most pastors especially those that
laboured in prayers with these singles. An extreme form of this secrecy is when singles go as far concluding on wedding plans in another location without informing their pastor. They may return to the church as 'Mr&Mrs' but their pastor wasn't carried along in the decision making process. Most pastors have experienced this at one point or the other in the course of ministry.

Often, I noticed that when singles are shielding their relationship from pastors&mentors, there's something they're hiding and it is almost certain they are on the path of marital error. As a single trusting God to be married, one of the greatest disservice you can do to your marital future is to keep your pastor or mentor in the dark about the person you have decided to marry. I heard about a sister who accepted to marry an unbeliever, she knew the kind of questions the pastor may likely ask him so she taught the brother how he should answer questions thrown to him by the Pastor. Their union ended in premium tears. Some may object this teaching but that doesn't change the fact that your pastor is meant to be part of your decision-making process especially those crucial areas because he will give account someday: "Obey them that have the rule over you, and SUBMIT YOURSELVES: FOR THEY WATCH OVER YOUR SOULS, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you", Hebrews 13:7 KJV. The scriptures is telling us to obey and submit to our spiritual leaders. If you have 101 reasons for not submitting to your pastor as your spiritual leader, it is either you don't understand his role in your life or you may likely be under the wrong spiritual leadership. If that's the case, why stay under a leader you cannot submit to?

The fear of submitting your relationship for scrutiny raises 'legitimate fears' about the quality of your marital choice. Singles, beware of persons who are shielding you from your pastor or those that God has placed over your life. Before accepting that marriage proposal carry your pastor along, allow him ask questions as led by the Spirit. Before proposing to that sister, let your spiritual leader know your convictions and allow him ask probing questions. Don't marry someone who doesn't have a verifiable pastoral headship over him/her. Loose canons are dangerous. The generation that shun counsel and disregard the place of spiritual leaders may live in bitter regret till death. I am not saying your pastor should take the place of the Holy Spirit in your life by imposing a spouse/ rejecting your choice sternly, rather he is meant to act as an unbiased guide and counselor. Most times, those that enter into deceitful marriages bypassed quality pastoral counsel and scrutiny. Somehow, a Shepherd that is worth his salt will discern when something is wrong with the sheep. Don't surprise your pastor with your relationship.