In today's teaching, I want to dive into something controversial. An aspect of restitution that is often inconclusive. My knowledge about this subject may not be accurate but I hope to share my perspective as the Holy Spirit enables.
Should a case or cases of infidelity be confessed to one's spouse?
In fact, during a sunday session, someone asked If paternity fraud should be confessed. You'll agree with me that these issues are very grave but not without a biblical solution.
James 5:16 says, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" ( KJV).
It is fundamental that all sins must be confessed to God for forgiveness to be obtained but confession to man is for accountability so that we don't repeat the cycle of sin.
However, the application of this scripture is not direct as it appears. Should confession be made to the affected person or to an accountability partner? For me, I think this is where the issue lies not the confession itself.
Just as I have taught previously, there are situations and circumstances you cannot approach without pastoral counseling, prayer and divine leading. Let me state categorically that scriptures did not specify whom to confess to. It says, "one to another" not "each other". Semantically, they don't mean the same thing.
I once handled a case where I know confession of emotional affair with an ex to the wife will break the marriage because she was boiling at that time because of some other issues. If we added the confession of infidelity to it, It will be a foolish thing to do at that time. The home will break. God is not after breaking homes, he wants to mend it. I don't want to break homes, I want to mend it.
In that case, I am the accountability figure the man needed not his wife. Why? The purpose of confession to man is for accountability. To help restore him back to the place of fellowship with God not just some religious confession that will scatter what God is trying to re build in his/her life.
Sometimes, we use our indiscretion to cut short the dealings of God in people's lives.
To be candid, not every woman or man can handle the news of their spouse's infidelity. I once read a post where a man confessed his escapades to his wife and she claimed she has forgiven him but years after, during conversations, that issue kept coming and the man found himself begging again.
It is obvious he confessed the wrong way because God has not prepared the heart of his wife for such. We don't confess to someone that is not spiritually and emotionally mature to handle information to avoid a total breakdown of relationship.
If we lose sight of the purpose of confession and do it indescriminately, we'll thwart God's purpose of repentance, accountability and reconciliation. I have been pastoring for a few years now and I know some families that have not been settled till date since confession was made. Some men will refuse to touch their repentant unfaithful wives for years because she confessed. This is not God's will.
When confession is made without proper pastoral guidance, prayer and leading, the result will be more toxic than expected.
Should confession be made?
YES.
But who is the first person that confession should be made to?
An accountability figure first before the affected person.
When should confession be made to the affected person?
